A day that comes every year, yet the feeling about it changes with every passing year. There was a time when our phones would ring with innumerable messages and calls, all eager to wish us birthday. Then came a time, when these bunch of friends would turn up at your home at 12am with cakes and flowers. And here's a time, we are all locked up in our homes and waiting to be set free and like the cycle of life, the day is here! Birthday!

Adulting makes us appreciate the times of solitude that life makes us live in, because this is where we learn to appreciate ourselves, love ourselves, be comfortable with all the vulnerable aspects of ourselves. We unravel our thoughts, let the heart bleed and discover a new version about our being. There are days when we seek company, and there are days when we seek seclusion. 

My excitement for birthday was at its peak because how can we not celebrate little things in life when, with each passing day we are reminded that life is so uncertain. It is important to celebrate, no matter how small your way of celebrations can be. The mental checklist began calculating itself as it saw the clock striking towards 12am, trying to ensure that every phone call or text message is answered because I am from a generation that made it absolutely important to ring bells at 12am to bring in the birthday. As a girl supremely excited about celebrations, no matter how small the occasion is, this birthday brought me a new lesson. 

When you looking for company, look in the mirror.

When you desire to hear someone's voice, listen to music.

When you looking for a motivation, hear that character speak your favorite words.

When you desire a resolution, stare at the sky.

When you looking for love, watch the stars shine. 

When you desire that friendship, hug your favorite teddy bear.

As I stare at my phone, awaiting for those conversations and people that would be as excited as me knowing I won't find them, I only lose a little more faith as to what can life really make the best of people do. All that social media stardom that we all live for, does not come to our rescue whilst grief comes to visit us. And all I can wish for this year, I hope we make kinder choices for ourselves. Sometimes, its all about being there even it is for the slightest moment and darling, you will always the be one who is there for yourself. Just look at the mirror and smile. 

I have lost more people and bonds than I could have ever imagine, and somehow I cannot contain the grief anymore so putting it out here. As I sit in front of the mirror, with my favorite music, along with the spirit that resides in whiskey and the stars that shine a little more brighter today, all I wanna say to myself, "You are the Magic, Happy Birthday Sexy!" because someone told me, "Tu woh shayaari hai jo kisi ke taarif ki mohtaaj nahi... Tu khud mein kaafi hai" and I am gonna live with that for a while.