25 Miles In My Shoes - The Quarantine Birthday

Always write your exit story with grace and finesse!
- The Story Telling Souls

25 years of faded and fabulous memories, I wouldn't say life was a piece of cake but I guess we all live our fair share of struggles and survive. I can say I have been an ambivert, because I usually come across as a quiet girl to those who barely know me and if you ask those who do, they'll say I don't shut up at all. This birthday I recall one of my college professors who would teach us Effective Communications. She taught us all about presentation and putting your best self forward when meeting new people. I guess it was in her lectures I learnt, always greet with a smile... it speaks volumes. 

I have always been this girl with a smile on her face. I have often dreamt of being this successful woman, good at her work. When I look back in retrospect today, I see a version of myself that I seem to have forgotten while fulfilling responsibilities, as the society calls it. I didn't really feel hurt about the losses in my life until the day I lost my Nani, I am emotional enough to live the moment but detached to not hold on to it and sulk. I usually find a way to distract myself from the loss. However, she was probably the only happy memory of my childhood as I remember it, I was her favourite grandchild. We had a million memories of summer vacations, my favourite food items that she would always make, the share of names she would give me when she didn't like my haircut or when me and mom fought too much and all she ever wanted was that I don't fight with my parents. She really taught me to be happy and find happiness in little things.  

In these years of growing up, I haven't really been confident to make friends and acquaintances because that encouragement and few good wise words were missing in my life. But I did make some friends who have stuck around and I am grateful for having them.

I have loved and lost a lot of people who had been really close to my life, with no certain reason as to why I lost them. The quarantine has been a little heavy with reminiscing down memory lane, reminding of the good times I have had with them and yet their chapter ended in my story. After all those experiences, one thing that this first quarter of life has taught me is, "If you ever come across a thought that I cannot live without *this*... wait until life throws you into a moment where you realise that the only thing you cannot live without is your 'breath'!" 

To all those people who are no more a part of my story, I wish you well. The only reason I am disappointed in you all is, after all those times I gathered all of my gut to trust you, you let me down and I had to relive that hurt of not knowing what did I ever do wrong that our bond no more exists. But I still take it with a pinch of salt and tell myself everyday, I hope I was good to you and not too much of a disappointment. After all these years of hoping to be accepted and loved, I have come to realisation that you are supposed to love yourself first and the only thing I feel terrible about is that I chose you guys over myself hoping the bond would survive with this effort from my side. The only reason I feel like penning this down is to let go of the baggage that probably my heart still holds for people who left when I thought they'd stay forever as they often promised.  

Its taken me too long to learn that it isn't wrong to keep yourself first, in-spite of all the rules that the society has for you. It has taken me a quarter of my life to finally love myself enough to not given in to temporary happiness and stand up for the things that don't agree with my heart anymore. I am not sure if I am glad about losing the people I lost, but just like my professor would say during her lectures- the impact you make during your time is important and always make a closure on a happy note.  

Thank you to all those people who stayed, I love you guys! Thank you to all those who left, you taught me that promises are meant to be broken and everything has an expiry date. Thank you to those who know me professionally... I may have not said it but your  words of appreciation have been my motivation to fight those battles that keep going on within myself. 

It's time for the next quarter of life and I want nothing but love and happiness for myself and my close ones. Happy Birthday To Me!